March 7 2023 (archive)

This picture incapsulates how I felt today while working. Also if you ever wondered how artist get paint all over their faces….. Let’s talk about being a creative professional. I didn’t want this, I wont go into the details on how I ended up as an artist full time, but know that the idea of being an artist has always terrified me. You might be thinking that the standard financial predicament of artist plays a role in this fear. It does not. What scares me most is that I can not hide behind a 40 hour week, or a 8 hour day. No longer can I just show up to work. Things are at stake now, I feel like there is something that I have to prove to my self. Every time I finish a piece of art I look back on it and I know that I can do better. I don’t know if I ever will get to a place where I am putting out work that feels like the best I can do. But I know that in a profession such as this I have no choice but to suffer through my own mediocrity in the hopes that one day I will paint something worth the dedication of my life to the craft.

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This shouldn’t be all doom and gloom. I love painting, and I feel a great amount of fulfillment in it, and I am so great full to those who have supported me in this pursuit. But boy.. some days you just want to start over.